I am not about twiddling my thumbs but when an idea comes to me I WRITE!! As for my title "detachment" I feel this is what we must learn to do to rid ourselves of any more of life's stresses.
People are walking around in a tornado of emotions. Everyone is over reacting to someone or something. You can't stand on line in a grocery store without someone getting crazy or looking like a zombie. It has happened to me too.
I was having a tough and stressed day and found myself on the check-out- line behind a woman with at least thirty items in her cart. The sign overhead said, "No more than 10 items". But she was oblivious, staring off into space, eating a candy bar. I know I was in a hurry to get back to work, but I was still surprised by my reaction. I snapped and told her to get off the line and treated her as though she had committed a heinous crime. I knew I needed a reality check and that I had to mentally get out of the situation because that kind of behavior is not what I am about...to be mean...to be angry...and about what??
How can you get out of this kind of volatile situation? We can amp up the example from the grocery store to your house being in foreclosure, to the bread winner being out of work or the discovery that your significant lover is sleeping with the neighbor down the street, and you feeling that you're in a vacuum of despair. Maybe the stakes are higher in these examples but the answer is still the same.
Detachment isn't denial, a state in which you are pretending that everything is fine. Detachment is a kind of therapy for those who learn how to use it well and to their advantage. The strength is in making the choice to not let a spark---no matter where it comes from--ignite a forest fire. It is the freedom to ALLOW things to happen as they do and leaving people to be as they are. There is no judgement in neutral detachment, only surrender, letting go and moving forward. You can't rescue, save or fix anyone else.
Detachment is a real thing. It is choosing to leave one's emotions "at the door". so to speak, and the ability to let go of any defensive posturing. The internal emotional support if found when you are in a neutral stance and not in lashing out at others with misdirected anger or rage. To find neutrality, you have to be willing to retreat, to step back, take a breath, clear your head and check yourself before you wreck yourself. It's a tall order to release judgement and forget about what other people are doing or not doing, but the key to detaching is to keep the focus on YOU!
Stay as calm as you can in the midst of your own problems, without letting your anger and emotions rule you. Knowing you are in charge of your behavior is the way through just about any situation. I plan to remember all of this and use it the next time I'm in the grocery store.~~~~
Affirmation:
Say to yourself....."I am allowing people to be as they are and I AM healthy, peaceful, centered and content with all things that are good and positive, released to me in my state of peace"
(Ahhh...doesn't that feel great?)
4 comments:
I have known Barbara for the past 30 years or so as a family friend. Over these years she has given me some great advice which carried me through some dark and trying times in my life; she was always on point and on the money when I followed her counsel. This posting, for me, came not a minute too soon. Barbara, it hits home, and I hope it can help carry me through this difficult time in my life in which I now find myself.
Barbara, (Auntie B) Thanks for all you do!!
Dear Barbara: Needed to be reminded of this today. Thanks!
I learned about detachment in 1996 when I started attending Codependents' Anonymous meetings in Northern Virginia to learn how to survive a bad marriage relationship.
A marriage in which I initiated, by the way, with only myself to blame.
I highly recommend coda.org's 12 Steps and Melody Beattie's "Codependents' Guide To The Twelve Steps."
Learning to own one's reactions is powerful and liberating. I slip up and give my power away by allowing someone or something to push my buttons, thus snatching my power, but it's nothing like it was before I discovered detachment more than 16 years ago.
Practicing detachment is difficult and sometimes impossible. Progress, and not perfection!
Detachment in theory is good, but practicing it may be more difficult to some. Myself, being one of them. But the words you write have sunk in and I think that I got your message loud & clear - be responsible for no one else but yourself and take care of you and let whatever is going to happen, just happen and I truly believe that it will. Thank you again, Barbara!
TOWAANDAAA!! QUEEN OF THE AMAZONS!! Let yourself off the hook. There are a lot of stupid, clueless people out there. We're bound to snap now and then. I'm proud of you for standing up.
Love you much!
David
Post a Comment